Get all 6 john wesley releases available on Bandcamp and save 50%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Professional Help (2018), Heroin Cloud (2017), The Anti-Radio Mixtape (2015), Consider Yourself Warned (2014), Brace Yourself (2012), and Notebook Mixtape (2011).
1. |
Session Begins
00:44
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2. |
Professional Help
04:34
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Honestly, I do not know what to tell you
Coming from a realest who is fucked up, and that day when everything fell through
I don’t know most of you, so why do I feel like I failed you?
How do you deal when everything you are naturally, daily impales you?
Don’t dismiss it just yet, there are better lyrics coming
You can smear assumptions, take an Alka-Seltzer and prepare your stomach
Why do I lust to watch everything I see in this mirror punished?
Been battling depression for too long to not be prepared for punches, with a pair of crutches
Trust me, I don’t want to die as often as I feel like
But if not for Ophelia, my mother, and Tristi I for real might
I’m not to be admired, I’ve had my own hands around my neck real tight
I could’ve had a couple hundred DUIs, all I ever really needed was a broken tail light
When you’re me, what sleep, no day’s guilt free, want to be alone but I am so lonely
Gotten to the point where I laugh at myself when I tell depression that it does not own me
Don’t look any further, it’s your lack of common courtesy that you’ve dismembered me with
You and I are not friends, you’re just somebody that I have memories with
Did you consider yourself warned when I told you to Brace Yourself?
This project is going to work wonders for my sales
You can sit there with demented perception attempting to analyze my mental health
Tristi, I don’t know how to care about myself
This is the way I’ve been, this is the way I am
Fate in my hands, never changing for bad or fabricating to the fans
Carley everybody knows I need to see a therapist
Am I in hell? Well, consider this my Professional Help
Never-ending amount of uncertainty that I idolize
An absurd amount, of absurd humor that I hide behind
I don’t consider myself as a rapper, I just like to write
- I never am looking for sympathy, stay to myself and, I try to be quiet
Nicole, I ignored you for nearly 5 years because I had to
Any current distance is out of respect for Cora, your marriage and Matthew
Being different has put me in a bad mood, with an anvil, in a glass room
(what do you mean) a tight fist, and some walls to put my hand through
Tell Carley I’m sorry I was unable to be faithful
My heart and my brain are like Cain and Abel and some days are painful
Tell Ophelia that she’s my light, - my sunshine
But wait to tell her she likely is the only reason why I am alive
Sitting alone in the dark for hours at 223 East Pearl
Only thing I could think of this bleak world, Ophelia Rose, my sweet girl
And since it’s clear it doesn’t help when I do these sessions myself
Beau paid for me to get professional help, so again I ask you
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3. |
Hot Girl
06:42
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Let’s see what happens, I’m a minister on vacation
Everything black and white, the parishioner is a racist
Grey-area thinker, critics and entertainers
Consider these lyrics here a sinister invitation
How can you be both a constant listener and a hater?
What do I have to lose? I’ve never been famous
So fuck it, and by the way, your sister is off the payroll
I started chopping limbs – I’ma finish her off in April
Oh – this is tasteless? I know you’re not talking to me
Everything is fine, I was talking to a tree
The conversation was convoluted, is that your mom or Satan
Hurts watching the cadence of personification
Murder, songs, and I’m anxious with curtains drawn in the basement
Thoughts kept to myself, no words can talk what I’m saying
How can you not know that you’re worse off when your famous?
I live in a notebook, confirmed lost in the pages
So many delusions but they’re quite eccentric
If a firearm’s too obvious then buy some wrenches
You’ve misconstrued your views as to what violence is
A winning guess to clue as you lie defenseless
If you stick around it may get ridiculous
Even if you ridicule us, walk up in a middle school bus
Hard to rid illusions, when the string section of the marching band
Says “it’s okay we’re underage come fiddle with us.”
Oh hi, yeah I was hoping you drove by
Saw that I was writing and stopped to read though my notes, I
Don’t think you can breathe any easier when you have your throat sliced
I always go by what’s most likely, I don’t know why
Shit, pop stars need to get attacked by a pit-bull
I can’t stand the radio, get it through your thick skull
I won’t like the violence that kills you unless it’s physical
You don’t like megan trainer, honey the answer is no
Look, I don’t know your history
I just imagine at some point you’ve dealt with head trauma or an injury
I didn’t think that you were serious, I was in disbelief
When you were talking about “the migos” and started listening
Oh honey, mo money mo problems
A hundred songs on the radio but no options
You can attempt to pick my brain like some kind of locksmith
The key to my heart, thanks to my mama, is common sense
Don’t worry, you’ll never have it you’re out of luck
I showed up to your pity party without a fuck
I have plans in December to Kill Marty
At my gender reveal party
John Wesley, how is life, how’s your heart, how’s your mind
Let’s say just fine, cause you and I don’t have enough time
To dissect my grey-area thinking and I don’t trust my
Body, because I still am alive is why I love dying
Now listen up, my favorite hobbies are scissor runs
Willful ignorance and sucking on the baby sitter’s thumb
And now that your sister’s gone
Happy endings only happen in fairy tales, Hopsin songs and when I’m with your mom
But, I’d put a baby in Barbie’s belly
After getting high off inhalants that could knock out Charlie Kelly
Will you get up out that car seat Kelsey?
Either that or just do me a FAVOR ‘fore you listen to Cardi B, please impale me
I can rap too, Yankee Doodle Dandy, fags, poodles, candy
Oodles of noodles, Bambi, hooray when I’m nude and dancing
With May, Julie, Nancy from the gay school of acting
Shake weights, strudel, camping, pretzel day is crucial to Stanley
This song isn’t for you, it’s for me
A true MC, it’s what I do just to see
If you know Marshall’s lyrics and discography
Hu – Re-Up . . . . . No Apologies!
I’m gonna kill somebody, or something
I have a taste for blood and I’m still hunting
I have not enjoyed the last couple years of my life
So you can continue to type but I won’t reply
I wouldn’t advise that like listening to Nicki Minaj
I’m not a rap genius that pretends to be god
Let’s patronize every women that raps with a pat on the back
No questions asked especially if that ass is fat
I’m looking forward to being forty
Cause 29 feels like 18 and my immaturity is boring
I’ll leave a Mormon missionary hanging from a porch swing
And then join, cause that means no more me
Words will come to life soon as the journal is signed
Hurt described in an ambience of purple and violet
What is the kinship of a critic and cynicism?
Entitlement is the new religion
Ian Flynn, please be my friend
Don’t worry about your drink there are no secret ingredients
You claiming to be straight is an egregious sin
I’m disrobing immediate to beat your pubic region, bitch – that’s for your disobedience
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4. |
For Better or Worse
05:40
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When I don’t write, I don’t feel right, inside
I just can’t function, when I don’t flesh out my insight
My flesh cries out for mercy, hoping so badly the sin dies
When I hold this pen, I feel close to God and that is all that I desire
You can stay assuming, this is sacred to me
I pen my episodes and you tune into your pay-per-viewing
You can critique, but a response is not what the rate’s including
I find all your feelings really fascinating so you can feel free to say them to me
Please share, I have kind words that I have prepared
You need a shoulder to cry on just give me your house address, and I will be there
But be aware, if you’re having a dream and you see your spirit sitting there
Your BEST shot at being assassinated will happen when you’re on the king’s chair
^ It’s not a throne, I believe every human is God’s own
Why do I talk about dying so often cause while I’m alive I am not home
Why do I discuss and dissect understanding and context cause it’s a locked door
Do you wonder why I said I’m not trustworthy or should I have said it a lot more
For better or worse, you said it with words
You either never meant what you said or, your intentions were reversed
Vows when you wed should never be interpreted as promises to be perfect
Depression hurts, but demented perception is worse
There are no medics to cure so it won’t benefit you to get to a nurse
Or a doctor instead of regretting the turns that your life has taken my own medicine burns
Yeah the medicine burns, ha, I bet you will learn eventually
You will get what you deserve, for better or worse
If you’re playing for keeps, I pray that when you awaken from dreams
You realize your potential, walk out of that mental prison on the day you’re released
I, am scared, to death, to be on my own, because of the way that i think
I, can’t stand, the thought, of hurting my family I’d rather stay on a leash
I should be chained to a sink, basically all seven says on the week
I mean it, you should be taking more serious all of the things that I say when I speak
Therapy? In 3 minutes I’d be psycho-analytically raping the shrink
Tongue-tied? No, he’d be hung, tied to an iron lung and begging to breathe
Either lay on the ground, pray to the clouds, or stay on your knees
I’m trying to sing my swan song gracefully while changing the key
What in the hell would I be, if your labels are strangling me
^ I’m doc, umenting my life for when I’m deceased, aka, taking a leave
It’s not exactly what you think about, it’s the way that you think
Can’t figure out if you’re critically thinking or just making believe
“Silence” by Jarren Benton, in the back of my mind, plays on repeat
I cannot hurt you anymore if I, pass away in my sleep
For better or worse, you said it with words
You either never meant what you said or your intentions were reversed
Vows when you wed should never be interpreted as promises to be perfect
Depression hurts, but demented perception is worse
There are no medics to cure so it won’t benefit you to get to a nurse
Or a doctor instead of regretting the turns that your life has taken my own medicine burns
Yeah the medicine burns, ha, I bet you will learn eventually
You will get what you deserve, for better or worse
Marital vows spoken as promises of perfection
Might as well be inadvertently said
To function imperfectly is to be human
Begs the question
Is inadvertently hurting your spouse worthy or deserving of death?
I never imagined leaving her I just couldn’t keep my flirting in check
Nothing malicious but I assume responsibility for the downfall of our union and an early exit
Worried, I kept my mouth shut and for years was nervously present
Far from where earning respect is
I wasn’t purposely working in temptation
Sounds twisted
But for my family I was earning a check
Cause of my weakness it turned it into a burden instead
Silver lining – fake friends turning their heads
Nose in the air, cold shoulder
Not returning my texts
Cause as a person I couldn’t get my mind on anything without returning to sex
Just to come and u-turn to distress
Is it genetic, a curse, or hex?
But years later, my family’s at our personal best
And as for Carley and me
It’s an encouraging trend
For better or worse we are friends
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5. |
Skit: So Frantic
03:18
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Why do you hate me?
Because I blame you for this mess you’re making
Separate yourself from loved ones – are you crazy?
It’s the only way I can maybe live a life not worth erasing
Do you miss being a baby?
No, but I miss when simple things were amazing
You mean before life was ruined with a plague?
YEAH, before mistakes and marriage blew up in my face
Well - it was bound to happen sooner or later
hey, do me a favor and study human behavior
^ we’ve been this way since before we were teenagers
either settle down or take it up with your creator, I know you remember
that was when you first discovered me!
Yeah and how you live under my skin but around me you’re always hovering
I’m the realest part of you that no one sees and no one believes
I know the storm is near when I can hear it thundering
I would say you’re feeling sorry for yourself because of me
I know what I bring to the table in terms of uninvited company
Oh, you don’t say, you’re why I’m an addict for life
Why I can’t treat people right and often why I’m mad I’m alive
Your phone? Throw it in the trash if you like
I’m trying to LEAVE any behavior that’s erratic aside
You love it when I become you, while its happening
wishing that I could snap this pen take half of it and stab you in the abdomen
But you can’t because I’m you don’t have the strength
One of these days it’s possible I grab my head and “accidentally” bash it in
^ Am I real? There is no evidence that is forensic
Plus, you won’t ever just straight up tell them that you’re schizophrenic
I’m trying to be functioning when you and I are separated
and you know I’m too paranoid to take any medication
this is how we are physiologically
I don’t know why you keep getting so bent out of shape about our biology
It’s less about being under a sexual spell
It’s about my wellbeing and how you’ve affected my mental health
Don’t forget since you were twelve, try to fix it yourself
It’s like you’re blindfolded in the mirror and wishing him well
I have too much pride to open up to a professional
Trust me, no one cares about me less than you
Or I should say you less than me, promise the feeling’s mutual
This is what happens when you turn your marriage to a funeral
You want to bitch about how her new life is not including you?
You can't be trusted, it’s not a trick question or a Rubik’s cube
Look I know I have issues, I’m not denying it
But with sexual struggles it’s like different rules apply to it
Why don’t you tell them what you really want to say, you’re holding back – stop it
Tell them if they don’t like how you’re feeling then they could just
Stop reading, move on and keep walking
They don’t have to comment on your thoughts just cause the world is in their pocket
Tell them you remember when they were alive
And actual people, not just a pile of skin trapped inside a device
So connected there’s no connection, show me a full life
filter, post, scroll, like, scroll, like
tell them HOW pissed off you are for where your life is
tell them that FRUSTRATION is not the fucking same as becoming violent
ask them how come they cannot understand your excitement
dealing with depression, affecting a child, fighting with a dying wish
and it’s all your fault, cause you can’t blame me
I mean, it’s my fault, but I’m the version of you that is not changing
I’m you when your hormones attack you cause of the ladies
I’m not someone you can put on trial just cause you’re angry
And I ain’t leaving without maturity or suicide
And you hate me cause most of the time I’m helping you decide
Between what is right and a ruined life
I best you every time, and they wonder why you’re always looking for a noose to tie
You got married like it was so urgent
You should have waited ‘til you could be perfect
You bury your low view of yourself, and I unearth it
I went away when YOU first got married but you know that I’m so resurgent
Why don’t you say any of this, they haven’t heard it?
I know what you’re thinking and dealing with, and you haven’t scratched the surface
You want to be left alone, why don’t you show and tell
Because I’d rather keep it all to myself.
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6. |
Until Soon
03:41
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Nobody feels worse than I do
The last two years were like a cursed revival
Professional help is just a working title
It’s like I try to be a better person despite you
My issues are like a versatile cycle
Depression turns into verses I write through
In the mirror I can see him smirking behind you
There are so many things I want to murder inside you!
I’m sorry to Carley
I’m sorry to Aubree
I’m sorry always
Shit I’m sorry to Kaylee and Marley
Sa------ -----ine
How I feel for you can only happen in dreams
Nicole you’re my soulmate I’m sure only
You and I could understand what that means
Haven’t performed in so long
I forgot what it feels like to do live appearances
When Beau moved to Maryland
I guess I stopped caring then
Struggles and carelessness
Coupled with embarrassment
Preparing to spend the rest of my life
Alone while I am watching my marriage end
So many regrets
Wanting to be dead
John, could you explain how you felt when she left?
FUCK
“Daddy, where’s mommy going?”
No where Ophie
Let’s hop in the car and head to
Steve Carlton’s Halloween party, it would be nice if we showed up
Great party
There’s Aubree
I feel like I want to be dead probly
Melissa won’t talk to me
Fuck it I’m out of here where are my car keys
Better believe me damn it
If my daughter was not in the backseat
I would have swerved my Buick Lucerne
Into oncoming traffic and crashed it
Spent about a year as a madman
Off the deep end doing hand-stands
Barely feeling alive is a bad trend
Nothing but empty beer cans in the trash bin
Wondering should I get back with her (no let her go)
What are you crazy man? (don’t let her go)
Should we be apart or (together no)
Then she let me know that she’s better alone
(hahaha) well okay
You should hear all the thoughts that I don’t say
Am I walking up a hill both ways
With broke legs, on a snowday?
John, I don’t mean to sound like NF
But you must have no brain
Look at everything you have to lose you could throw away
Wondering when I’ll finally get to a grown age (Buenos noches)
I’m trying to sleep, tell Satan to (go away)
He can wear what he wants (I’ll forever decay)
Dunno hi wrote this song anyway
Been away mentally essentially for a century
My, well-being has run away
When demons come to play, let’s get this surgery underway (undele!)
Me and Ophie, don’t mess with us today
Take all my frustrations, suffocate, do not resuscitate
I’m just the guy that you don’t really know
who annoys you but you kind of love to hate
I’m just the guy who’s only into pleasing himself
When I think of your mother’s face
A kid who
In middle school listened to kill you
And at 30 I still do
Ask the class of ’07 I never was real cool
These lyrics, are my, guts
And to you and the paper I spill to
And you know I always return
But for now
Until soon
Mugs get hit
Die when I spit
I be sniping jokers like I got a 30.06
This is the way I am
This is the way I’ve been
And I refuse to change for bad or ever fabricate to fans
From this day on
Things won’t be the same
I aim to please
And I’m pleased to aim
Bang
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7. |
A Safe Space
04:34
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They say I write too graphic
All because I dress in black and take a nap at night in traffic
I’m a little out of practice
But when I get homophobic with it I start blowing other rappers off the atlas
No beau, I won’t slow, with those jokes, homo
And why I gotta dress like Kevin Smith as a hobo?
Stop asking, I’ll die with hip hop and rapping
Word to joey, no bitches, bury me with sweats and flip-flops in the casket
Making sure the message is clear, don’t mishear
Political correctness doesn’t live here and it’s about to get weird
If you have no sense of humor then kiss here
Can’t separate sarcasm from hatred – let the lipstick smear
I assure this is a safe space, and I will go to great lengths
To make sure you and I don’t end up naked at a playplace
That would be crazy, I mean lame, no, gay, shit
Wait, am I’m racist?
Here’s your safe space
It’s all for you, SJW’s
A safe space!
Yeah, politically correct
I am literally erect thinking about our
Safe space!
Everybody’s this-ophobic everybody’s that-ophobic everything’s
About race!
Perpetually offended, especially pretentious, I love my
safe space!
I feel unforgiven
I thought doing laundry and dishes and making sandwiches was fun for women
I try to instill comfort in em
But it backfires when I remodel and keep adding another kitchen
What does your mom have in her mouth
Tell her this is not a dentist, but she can spit it out
Just kidding, that is doubtful, tell her to take a bow slow
I can’t remember her name but I’m sure it is a mouthful
I find Mormon prophets exotic
I go into the closet, throw on Britney Spears “Toxic”
Question – if I prefer remaining braless, does that still mean I can cross-dress
While I think of Brigham Young, he was the hottest, so erotic
I know you think that I’m a weirdo
Cause I’m basically aroused watching Jordan Peterson and Ben Shapiro
And forget those allegations
I mean come on, that boy was 17 years old –
Here’s your safe space
It’s all for you, SJW’s
A safe space!
Yeah, politically correct
I am literally erect thinking about our
Safe space!
Everybody’s this-ophobic everybody’s that-ophobic everything’s
About race!
Perpetually offended, especially pretentious, I love my
safe space!
Go faster, Embrace the whole disaster
Drugs and a couple dancers to go with my double standards
Rule one for your agenda’s full potential
Make sure you include at least one white one black and an oriental
All you need to do is disprove the remarks
When I try not to be a dick, it gets hard
Beau, you suck, on my neck you left a big mark
as for the slow comment – he was a ritard
I am all about happiness
A social justice warrior so whatever’s convenient
Call it slavery, abortion, and a gun
You’re on my property and Not a human being so I can do with you what I want
This is just so tragic, mind stuck inside of gadgets
Physical being defining moral fabric
Hey, I got through an entire song
Without saying faggot, wait shit, now I’m racist
Here’s your safe space
It’s all for you, SJW’s
A safe space!
Yeah, politically correct
I am literally erect thinking about our
Safe space!
Everybody’s this-ophobic everybody’s that-ophobic everything’s
About race!
Perpetually offended, especially pretentious, I love my
safe space!
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8. |
||||
They say I write too graphic
All because I
I’m a little out of practice
But when I get with it I start off the atlas
No beau, I won’t slow, with those jokes,
And why I gotta dress like Kevin Smith as a hobo?
Stop asking, I’ll die with hip hop and rapping
Word to joey, no , bury me with sweats and flip-flops in the casket
Making sure the message is clear, don’t mishear
Political correctness doesn’t live here and it’s about to get
If you have no sense of humor then kiss here
Can’t separate sarcasm from hatred – let the lipstick smear
I assure this is a safe space, and I will go to great lengths
To make sure you and I don’t end up
That would be , I mean, no
Here’s your safe space
It’s all for you, SJW’s
A safe space!
Yeah, politically correct
I am literally erect thinking about our
Safe space!
Everybody’s this-ophobic everybody’s that-ophobic everything’s
About race!
Perpetually offended, especially pretentious, I love my
safe space!
I feel unforgiven
I thought doing laundry and dishes and making sandwiches was fun for women
I try to instill comfort in em
But it backfires when I remodel and keep adding another kitchen
What does your mom have in her mouth
Tell her this is not a dentist, but she can spit it out
Just kidding, that is doubtful, tell her to take a bow slow
I can’t remember her name but I’m sure it is a mouthful
I find Mormon prophets exotic
I go into the closet, throw on Britney Spears “Toxic”
Question – if I prefer remaining braless, does that still mean I can cross-dress
While I think of Brigham Young, he was the hottest, so erotic
I know you think that I’m a weirdo
Cause I’m basically aroused watching Jordan Peterson and Ben Shapiro
And forget those allegations
I mean come on, that boy was 17 years old –
Here’s your safe space
It’s all for you, SJW’s
A safe space!
Yeah, politically correct
I am literally erect thinking about our
Safe space!
Everybody’s this-ophobic everybody’s that-ophobic everything’s
About race!
Perpetually offended, especially pretentious, I love my
safe space!
Go faster, Embrace the whole disaster
Drugs and a couple dancers to go with my double standards
Rule one for your agenda’s full potential
Make sure you include at least one white one black and an oriental
All you need to do is disprove the remarks
When I try not to be a dick, it gets hard
Beau, you suck, on my neck you left a big mark
as for the slow comment – he was a ritard
I am all about happiness
A social justice warrior so whatever’s convenient
Call it slavery, abortion, and a gun
You’re on my property and Not a human being so I can do with you what I want
This is just so tragic, mind stuck inside of gadgets
Physical being defining moral fabric
Hey, I got through an entire song
Without saying faggot, wait shit, now I’m racist
Here’s your safe space
It’s all for you, SJW’s
A safe space!
Yeah, politically correct
I am literally erect thinking about our
Safe space!
Everybody’s this-ophobic everybody’s that-ophobic everything’s
About race!
Perpetually offended, especially pretentious, I love my
safe space!
|
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